Dr Yasmin Kottait, founder of Sunshine Land Pediatric Dentistry in Dubai, says most childhood dental fear has less to do with the dentist and more to do with what happens before the appointment. From casual threats to skipped waiting room time, she walks through the everyday parenting habits that quietly shape whether a child walks into the clinic calm or already on edge.
In your experience, is dental fear in children usually learned, or does it show up on its own?
Fear itself is innate; we are all born with it. A child does not need to have had a bad experience to feel afraid of a stranger, of an unfamiliar situation, or of not being in control. Those are normal responses that can appear in any child, in any setting, without any prior sensitisation.
The dental visit tends to touch on several of those triggers at the same time. The dentist is someone the child has never met. The room brings unfamiliar sounds, sights and smells. The child has little say in what happens next. Add to that the parent’s own anxiety, energy and past experiences, plus whatever preparation the child was or was not given, and the honest fact that dentistry can involve some discomfort, and you have a lot working against the child before the appointment even starts. Children are not uniquely wired to fear the dentist. The visit itself brings together nearly every fear a child already carries.
What do parents say or do before a visit that they think is reassuring, but actually increases a child’s fear?
The phrase I hear most often is some version of: if you do not listen, if you do not sit still, the dentist will give you an injection. I always ask parents why they would say that. Are they on my side, or not? That one sentence can undo everything I am trying to build with a child before I have even said hello, and once that anxiety sets in, it takes a long time to work back out.
Click here to join our WhatsApp channel here
My main rule for parents is simple. Do not threaten. Do not use the dentist, or anything that happens in the chair, as a punishment or a consequence. Doing so plants a fear that did not need to exist.
Is there a difference between how fear shows up in a first-time visitor versus a child who has had a bad experience before?
Yes, and the distinction matters. A first-time visitor usually shows a general, diffuse nervousness about the unknown, nothing specific yet. A child who has already had a bad experience is dealing with something different: anxiety, or in some cases phobia. It is sharper and more specific, and harder to work through, because the child is no longer afraid of the unknown. They are afraid of something they already know.
Are there specific words or phrases you would tell parents to avoid using with their child before an appointment?
Beyond not threatening, I tell parents to be honest without over-explaining or over-preparing, and to avoid negative intonation. Then leave the framing to us. We are trained to talk to children in language that keeps them calm and curious rather than on edge, things like “I’m going to tickle your teeth” or “we’re going to use the buzzing bee” or “we’re going to make the germs go away.” It helps if parents let the dental team choose those words.
How much of a child’s dental anxiety comes from the parent’s own anxiety about dentists? What is the most common mistake you see well-meaning parents make in the waiting room itself?
I would put it at around 80 percent. The parent’s energy, history and approach going into the visit is the single biggest factor in how the child responds.
Also read: Healthcare Workforce Survey Highlights Gap Between Leaders and Frontline Workers
Most children’s dental clinics, ours included, design the waiting area deliberately to be playful and inviting. What I see most often is a parent not letting the child actually use it. The child wants to explore and play, and the parent sits them down right beside them instead. That waiting room is often the child’s first chance to feel safe in the space before anything clinical begins, and letting them explore it does real work.
Once a child is genuinely afraid, how long does it typically take to rebuild trust, and what does that process look like?
That depends entirely on the child, their history and what needs to be addressed; there is no fixed number of visits. But the process itself follows a consistent shape. We always begin with a no-treatment visit, a simple clean and fluoride and nothing more. The point of that visit is not the dental work, it is trust. Once that trust is established, we move on to actual treatment. We do not skip that step, even if it means more visits than a parent expects.
Trust has to come back before the smile can.
